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Victor Pond

In 2002, Kleff, Jaken and I had an idea for a movie. It was the most original, compelling movie idea ever: a James Bond spoof. The main character's name: Victor Pond, Agent 005.37. There have so far been two Pond movies, neither of which have been properly finished.

Don't Forget to Die!

At long last, here is the fixed up version of Don't Forget To Die! (the exclamation mark is part of the title)


We made this for a movie making thing in Term 5 (Term 5 being a week of cool stuff you can do at the end of the school year), 2002. The production of the movie was an absolute mess. We had five days to film it and edit it, and we had to share equipment with another group. A lot of the scenes weren't filmed because we didn't have either the props or the costumes or the settings or the time. What we did film was buggered up in the editing, because somehow we put gaps in the timecode of the digital tape we filmed it on which resulted in the scenes being thrown out of order unpredictably. The result was a fragmented jumble of a movie. But, an entertaining one.

For props we mostly used my collection of toy guns I could never bring myself to throw away. We also got a rubber turd for the first scene, which we never filmed. I made a QBASIC program for the MegaTech Corporation Supercomputer interface, but we couldn't get it to work on the computer we were going to use so we couldn't include it. Luckily that's the sort of thing that's easy to film later and cunningly edit in...

Late last year I bought a video input card for my computer, for editing videos filmed with my VHS-C camera. When I went up to Armidale for christmas I came up with the idea of digging out my old tape of Don't Forget To Die and digitally editing it into something watchable. I also had the idea of re-filming a few small bits that got either left out or buggered up. So I brought my camera to Armidale. I never got around to re-filming most of those bits, but I did make a start on the second movie...

From Yugoslavia With Love



I was hoping the production of From Yugoslavia With Love would go better than the first one. And that depends on how you look at it. We never finished the movie, not by a long shot, but the scenes we did film didn't suck as much as the first movie.

Most of the production is tirelessly chronicled in this blog post (about 2/3 of the way through), so I'll just summarise it here:

I knocked up an outline and script for the movie over a week or two, with a pretty lame story and some unused scenes from the original. I was pretty happy with the result. After some prop-gathering (mostly rounding up my multitude of toy guns) and last-minute tweaking of the script Jaken and I started filming. The first scene we did was the agent character (Victor Pond, 005.37) sneaking through the enemy base, beating up/killing guards. Then Zeff joined our crew and we did a car chase scene which ended up pretty cool, although it did lead to an encounter with the police.

I wanted to do some filmographic trickery involving me suddenly growing a beard and having a clone of myself but we never got around to filming those scenes, because we had to film all the scenes where I had a beard, and then I'd have to shave it all off halfway through a scene (keeping the camera in the same place the whole time) and edit it so I bend down out of the shot and then stand up with a beard and different clothes. It would have ruled.

I don't know if the movie has a future or not. I'd love to finish it, but it would involve another couple of weeks filming in Armidale, getting people to act in it for free, re-growing my beard (which is now a thing of the past), and other difficulties. Maybe during the winter holidays. The other option is to severely change it so the rest of the scenes are set in the city.

Or maybe I'll just cut my losses and start making a third movie...