Back in black

I'M BACK, BABY! I'M BACK! In Sydney, that is. Me and Zeff set off yesterday morning, with his car crammed so full of my stuff it started springing leaks.

Actually, the only leak was in the radiator hose, resulting in an empty radiator and a very hot engine which we didn't notice until we were driving along a barren stretch of road about 200 km from Armidale. Being at the top of a hill there were no creeks or anything to get more water from, so we tipped in a tiny bit of water that was in a nearby discarded bottle, and patched up the hose with tape from one of my boxes. The water did bugger all. We gradually made our way down the hill with the engine and the brakes heating up rapidly, causing us to stop a few times. The cops even drove past us while we were standing around with the bonnet up, and the fat pricks didn't even stop to help us.

After about 5 km or so we found a dam (with cow shit all around it) and filled up the radiator with the dirty dam water. This allowed us to get to Gloucester where we fixed the hose a bit better, using a rubber glove and hose clamps.

When we got to Sydney we had a hard time figuring out where the hell to go. We eventually made it to Doff's place and hung out there for a while, drinking cheap goon and filling up on meat pizza which made us fart all night. Later we went to a pub where Doff's sister was singing in a band. When I say "pub", what I mean is "blatant rip-off venue". One schooner of James Squire was $4.70. Not wanting to spend our life savings on beer, we went out to find a bottle shop to buy some reasonably priced beer. We got two longnecks but neglected to notice that they were crown-sealed, and we didn't have a bottle opener. We opened them by putting the edge of the bottle caps on a door handle and whacking the bottle down, to force off the lid. Of course, what in fact happened was the tops of the bottles broke off.

Picture the scene: three of us in a dirty alley near the pub, sculling from broken bottles of beer. Who said city life wasn't sophisticated?

After the gig we wandered off through the city, fending off invitations to peep shows from people standing outside dark doorways with stairs leading down to God-knows-what. We wandered down to darling harbour, started walking along a big raised road, ran over to the other side and came down some stairs to a tram stop. We wandered out onto the road where we hung around on the median strip while I danced and sang whatever fragments of Dani California I could remember. Several cars drove past.

Then we started wandering towards where I used to live and ended up walking into some kind of service entrance. A few cars were parked around the place and a tunnel led to what I thought would be another part of darling harbour. We went through and ended up behind some vending machines with cage-like sections preventing people from getting in where we were. Which was annoying, because it prevented us from getting out. Thankfully we managed to climb over one of the machines and ended up outside the Maritime Museum. Nearby, there was a barge moored at the edge of the water so we jumped on, sat around on it for a while and then left. Stealing some rope.

I used to live several blocks from where we were, so I knew my way around pretty well. Nevertheless, Zeff and Doff persisted in asking everyone they saw how to get to Glebe Point Road, despite the fact that I already knew how to get there. My favourite response was "it's in Glebe." We eventually made our way towards Glebe, taking a detour across the waterfront to vandalise stuff. Lots of construction work was being done there, so we had to get through lots of fences and safety hazards. We found lots or starposts holding up that orange netting stuff that councils always use, and javelinned them into the water. We also frisbeed a few tiles in there and heaved giant rocks to make huge splashes.

Eventually we got back to Doff's place where I went to sleep pretty much straight away.

This morning the three of us drove to my dad's place to drop off all my stuff. The trouble is that there was only room for two people. To make room, we piled stuff up so high that Zeff couldn't see out the back, leaving just enough room for Doff in the back seat. On the drive over here we had to keep looking out the sides telling him if it was safe to change lanes.

Of course, the first thing I unpacked when I got here was my computer.

I'm back, bitches.

Ultimate downloadage of ultimate destiny

That's right!
Could it be...?
Another post by
Yours truly.
-Anon (just kidding, it was me)

Yes, it is. Another post. By me. Sentence fragments. Good technique. Will be used more later.

Sorry, I slipped into self-referential sentence mode there. This sentence it to inform you that it won't happen again.

Damn!

How disappointing. I started this post so full of hope that, unlike the last one, it wouldn't turn out to be total gibberish. I propose we cut to the chase, cut the mustard, perhaps even cut the cheese, and jump right into some news regarding the site, about which you may or may not care:

I've added some stuff to my cannons page, to more accurately reflect my arsenal. Also, I know I said ages ago that there was a song I was going to record soon... I'll get around to it someday.

In other news, I'm moving to Sydney on tuesday. Hopefully then I will be able to get a job and then, that holy grail of poverty-stricken internet addicts: broadband. Then I can get into some ultimate downloadage of ultimate destiny/doom (whichever you like, I don't care). Speaking of downloadage, I downloaded a good movie over LimeWire the other week: Pink Floyd Live in Venice, 1989. I put it on a DVD. Unfortunately, it was filmed during the tour for A Momentary Lapse of Reason, which is my least favourite Pink Floyd album, so about half the songs are from that album and most of those aren't really that great. It's not a bad album by any means, but compared to just about any other Floyd album (including The Division Bell, which I quite like), it's just... meh.

The movie file weighs in at 560MB, which, on dial-up, equates to three nights of downloading plus a lot of time during the day. Yes, I have the patience of a Zen monk.

Don't read this

This post has no content. If you are reading this, you are wasting your time because there is nothing here. Really. You'd be much better off doing just about anything else but reading this post, because there's nothing here. Perhaps you would like to peruse the archives, or other sections of the site? There's some cracking cartoons in the animation section, you know. No? I really don't know why you're so insistent on reading this. The first sentence is "this post has no content". What did you expect to find here? Secret messages? Meaningful discussion hidden among pointless sentences? If so, you are sadly mistaken.

p.s. lol butts lol

Grand theft signage

It's here! I have finally got a copy of the new Tucker Max book. It took about 5 weeks to order in due to the shameful lack of copies in this country (they had to order it in from Seppo-land (America)), which pissed me off, but it was worth the wait because it's hilarious. I wish it was all new content (there's some stuff in it that's on the site already), but what can you do.

My plans for moving to Sydney are coming together. I'm probably going down next tuesday. It's going to rule. The only downside is that I won't be able to do stuff like cannoning, and I haven't even had a chance to use my seven barrelled cannon very much. I'll have to take it out for more cannonage and annihilation before I go.

ALSO: News on the bubbly toilet front. (See last post (which I just noticed has a spelling error) if that sentence totally confused you.) On friday I went out on a pub crawl with some people, during which we went (semi-drunk) to Coles, got some cheap detergent, and dumped it in the cistern of a toilet at a pub. And apparently, it in fact DIDN'T make a fuckton of bubbles when it got flushed, which means the Hungry Jack's one probably didn't either, which means we wasted money. But then, each bottle was 40c and I didn't buy them anyway. So whatever. On said pub crawl I nicked a Stella Artois glass from a pub, but I left it in Macca's car. I'd better get it back before next tuesday, because it's a cool glass.

On saturday other things happened, some of them at various pubs. Notable moments include: Zeff trying to steal a "for sale" sign, an act which made lots of noise and caused us all to run away to avoid unpleasantries involving the police; coming back later to steal the sign along with about 30 supermarket catalogs from people's letter boxes; stealing two other signs including a huge (about 2m by 1.5m) metal sign from a local seed place (which was "the enemy", since Zeff works mixing seed at another place); and leaving it all in a pile outside Moff's room to "cheer him up" after he got beaten up for no particular reason by some unsavoury characters. How the problem of disposing of several large signs was supposed to cheer him up was never elucidated.

Bubble, bubble, toil and corrugated iron

Had a bit of fun yesterday - Zeff, Kyff and I got a bottle of Bi-Lo detergent and dumped it in the cistern of a toilet at Hungry Jack's. Next time someone flushes it there will be bubbles. Lots and lots of bubbles.

Last night I went to the Jungle Bar to see Kleff's band, Centipede, play. It was cool.

The other day Kyff and I took the seven barrelled cannon out and did some testing. It can shoot nails through three sheets of corrugated iron. We got photos. I'll put them up some time.

Zat ees all for now.

Get back to radio

I heard that Joey Comeau was going to be on Canadian radio yesterday at 2:30, so I figured I'd have a listen via the online radio stream. I spent a while trying to figure out the time difference, and it turned out to be wrong. Eventually I worked out that it would be on at 3:30 AM my time. So I set my alarm for 3:20 AM. Then I spent ages trying to get a program to record the radio stream so I wouldn't have to stay up and listen to it. After at least 20 minutes of that, I realised I already had one installed. So anyway, I got up at 3:20 and turned on the computer, started the radio stream and then spent 10 minutes listening to it to make sure it was the right time. Eventually the interview started so I started recording and went back to bed. I figured the interview would be half an hour or something like that - long enough to justify all the stuffing around. I listened to it this morning and how long was it? Eight minutes.

Still worth listening to though.

It's weird hearing the voice or seeing the face of someone like a webcomic artist for the first time. I've seen photos of Ryan North, Jeph Jaques and Jeff Rowland and they didn't look anything like I expected. And I heard a podcast of Tucker Max and Maddox on the radio and they didn't sound anything like I expected. Joey Comeau sounded pretty much like I expected though.

Waking up on the floor sucks

I have the occasional tendancy to get dizzy if I'm hot, dehydrated and standing up. It's my body's way of saying "hey, something's not right here, sit the fuck down before I force you to lie down by making you unconcious". Unfortunately when I get to this stage I sometimes ignore this message. One memorable example happened last year on 4th November.

I had just finished my last HSC exam, and with fortunate timing Tommy Emmanuel was playing at the Ex-Services Club that night, so I went to see him with my friend McLemon. As we were lining up to go in, I started feeling dizzy and sat down. Then everyone started going in, so rather than doing the sensible thing and staying seated for another few minutes, I got up and stated walking in. The next thing I know I'm lying on the floor just inside the door and my nose really hurts. That afternoon I'd had a couple of beers, plus another one just before we went in, and as I regained conciousness the first thing that went through my mind was "fuck, I must have drunk too much. Now I've made an idiot of myself". Then came the realisation that I'd hardly drunk anything, and I thought "I'm not drunk but they're going to think I am and kick me out". Luckily they didn't, and I revived enough to enjoy the show.

It happened again this morning. My alarm woke me up (I set it even on weekends, so I don't spend the whole day asleep) and pressed the snooze button repeatedly for an hour or so, then turned it off and slept for another half an hour. When I got up I still felt tired. I started to make breakfast but then decided to take a slash first. The last thing I remember doing is washing my hands, before I woke up lying on the floor, confused, with a sore back. I'm just glad I didn't slash my head open on the secateurs that were propped up nearby.

It sucked.

But enough about my brush with a slashed head. I have news! Sort of. I have done a remix of Syd Barrett's song Effervescing Elephant. It is here. You download, yes?

So basically there's no fashion anymore?

I have just seen the funniest flash cartoon ever. You may view it here, but I warn you: you may blow a funny fuse. Other amusement is to be found here.

Last night I went and saw End of Fashion. They were pretty cool. The bad thing is that I had no money for booze so my enjoyment was reduced somewhat. They had a couple of support acts but they weren't that good.

I'm almost finished downloading a video of Pink Floyd live in Venice in 1989. It will be pretty cool I expect. The trouble is that it's 561.0 MB, so I've had to leave it downloading overnight 3 times now, gaining an extra 20% or so of downloadedness each night. It's up to 90% now.

I need broadband really badly.

A weight off my mind

I've finally finished the cartoon I was working on. I've been slowly working through it for the last few months, and now I never want to see the damn thing again. Hopefully, though, you will want to. You can do so by directing your browser here.

Basically it's a rambling visual accompaniment to Kraftwerk's mood piece, "Autobahn". I wanted the cartoon to go for length of the whole song but I only ended up getting about halfway through, or maybe a bit more. Which is more than long enough. I made no attempt to synchronise the music and the animation except in a couple of places, but it synchs pretty well in some places. And pretty badly in others. Also, watch out for the rather nice 3D effect as the grey trailer slides off the prime mover. Most people miss it. People always seem to miss the small but nice details I put lots of effort into. But I know they're there, and I like to think that someone will notice the details someday and think, "hey, that's pretty cool". But then, I also like to think that aliens will someday come to Earth, recognise my superior intellect and elect me their god.

This is just getting rediculous

ARGH GOD DAMN FUCK. I just let a saucepan boil dry AGAIN! That pisses me off a lot, for several reasons:

1. It's a reminder that I am forgetful as a fucking 120 year old.
2. I have to cool the saucepan somehow, which sucks.
3. Something, which I can only assume is the minerals/salts/whatever from the tapwater, is now encrusted on the saucepan and I have to clean it off.
   
4. I have to wait longer for my 2-minute noodles.

Bah.

Oh well, it's hard to be pissed off when I'm having so much fun drawing the next THC strip. I love my graphics tablet.