I just saw a McDonald's ad. In their latest attempt to appear healthy they're apparently giving kids a choice with their happy meals: fries or a "fruit bag". The little girl in the ad, ordering a happy meal, made a big show of being woefully unable to choose between these options as if they were equally appetising, or equally unappetising as the case may be.
The fallacy lies herein: what kind of kid is ever going to choose a fucking fruit bag over chips? Nobody, that's who. No kid goes to Maccas to eat fruit. Imagine it: a group of kids go to Maccas for a birthday party or whatever, all getting happy meals. They're all getting chips, as you do, and then one of them gets a fruit bag. He is teased mercilessly by his peers and nicknamed "fruit bag" for years to come. Kids do that.
"Fruit bag" is the worst thing kids could call each other. As well as sounding like "fruitcake", and hinting at homosexuality, the "bag" bit alludes to such as ratbag, scumbag, old bag, and hoe-bag. Not to mention it would eventually be spoonerised to "brute fag". It could also be rearranged into the following unflattering phrases:
Fiat grub
I tug barf
Bra if gut
I, fart bug
I, fat grub
I, barf gut
Way to potentially scar unsuspecting kids for life, when they just wanted to eat healthy foods, MACCAS. You stupid fruit bags.
Radio is officially crap now, because I said it is
Is it just me or is the radio getting more painful to listen to? There's not much to choose from. Pretty much all AM radio is for old people, and most of everything else is for bogans and wannabe gangstas.
When I'm listening to the radio I usually flip between three stations, Triple J, Triple M and FBI. Now even these are getting shit. Well OK, Triple M always was shit, but after I heard a few Pink Floyd tracks on it I started listening. Now I listen to Wil and Lehmo at 4pm but there's masses of ads and promos and other assorted bullshit. They blather on about how they play "the old stuff AND the new stuff, OMG" but they always seem to play the worst of each.
Triple J has some good music but they play too much hip-hop and crap like that. They seem to want to play all music that's popular with the young'uns, without realising that playing such a wide range of music will make the station incoherent and unlistenable. FBI has some good music, indie cred and no ads but they too play well above the maximum amount of shit-hop (hint: the maximum amount of hip-hop is zero).
And don't get me started about Nova. In my old job they had Nova on constantly, and it is the single worst station in the history of radio. Anyone who listens to Nova is either a bogan or mentally defective (oh wait - same thing). In between horrible, awful, retch-inducing teeny-bopper music and ads about "nasal delivery technology" to increase sexual performance (which says a lot about their audience) they go ON AND ON AND ON about how they have "never more than two ads in a row", which effectively cancels out all the benefits of having less ads in the first place. By the time I left (escaped) my job, I was ready to go over to the Nova studios and shove never less than two chairs up their arses.
Luckily my stereo has a direct input so I can plug in my MP3 player and listen to some good music. If I had to listen to the radio more than a few times a week I would lose all faith in music.
OK I am going to talk about my mobile phone, because I KNOW YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT MY MOBILE PHONE YOU GUYS. It's one of those clamshell type ones. When it's folded up you can't press the buttons, so it doesn't have a keypad lock. BUT there is a button on the side to activate the camera, which can still be pressed when the phone is closed. So every couple of weeks I find two or three pocket photos, when the camera button has been accidentally pressed in my pocket and I get pictures of blackness (and occasionally a bit of light depending on how the phone was oriented). So yesterday I checked my photos for some reason and found 163 pocket photos.
Samsung, you are all morons. If you are designing a phone with a camera, one of the design objectives should be to make sure it doesn't take hundreds of photos of nothing inside the user's pocket. Some more free advice: in this day and age it should be a standard feature that a phone can ring and vibrate at the same time. When I'm in a slightly noisy environment I can't hear the damn thing ringing, so I have to put it on silent so I can feel it vibrate. But I like to be able to hear it ring as well as be sure I know it's ringing even if I can't hear it. My ringtone is The Final Countdown. It's awesome. Samsung, get a clue.
I finally finished watching the last season of Arrested Development last weekend. It's the best show ever made, pretty much. How is it that this fucking brilliant, hilarious show which should be an example for comedy writers everywhere gets axed after three seasons while the festering drivel that is Big Brother is invading our screens for yet another drawn out season? TV viewing public, get a clue.
Also you need to hear the new Battles album Mirrored. It sounds like nothing else before.
